Module 1: Philosophy & Mindset

Listen First

Listen to this before reading this module:

Ep. 236: Empathy, feat. Valerie Worthington — BJJ Mental Models

Why experienced grapplers forget what it’s like to be a beginner, and how the curse of knowledge makes coaches over-teach. Worthington holds a PhD in Educational Psychology and teaches coaching at Saybrook University. Covers survivorship bias, empathy as a coaching skill, and why understanding the student’s experience matters more than demonstrating your own knowledge.
- Buzzsprout

WHY COACHING BJJ IS SO HARD

Coaching jiu jitsu is arguably harder than coaching most other sports. If you coached soccer, wrestling, tennis, or football, you’d have three huge advantages we don’t have:

Everyone in a session would be roughly the same skill level. In any given class at our gym, you might have a white belt who’s been to four classes in the same room as a black belt with ten years of mat time.

You’d see the same group every day. You can’t build a structured week where Monday’s content sets up Tuesday and Tuesday sets up Wednesday. You’ll never have the same group two days in a row.

Everyone would share similar goals. Some of our students want to obsessively study and improve. Some want a social club. Some just want to destress and sweat. You can’t rely on anyone studying curriculum in their free time.

All of this makes coaching jiu jitsu hard. Knowing that going in is important.

COACHING VS TEACHING

The goal of a good coach is to ensure safety, foster a playful environment, and maximize skill development. The best tool we have for all three is grappling games. We want to maximize the time students spend playing, and minimize the time they spend watching us talk.

Students need breaks between games — they can’t grapple for an hour straight. Those recovery windows are our natural opportunity to communicate information that can improve their performance. But even in those windows, we want to be quick and get them moving again.

This is something I struggle with because I’m excited about jiu jitsu and want to share everything I know about a position. But 99% of the time, that doesn’t actually help students. You don’t want to be the “sage on the stage.” A coach who can show 10+ variations of a random move isn’t helping students — they’re actively hurting retention and skill acquisition.

95% of learning comes from playing games (including sparring). Prioritize their time playing above all else.

The practical rules:

Don’t talk for more than 2 minutes between games
Don’t interrupt games to bring everyone in and correct a mistake. Address it between games — either verbally or by changing the rules so the mistake is no longer a viable strategy.
Don’t try to correct every mistake you see. Clumsiness is a feature of the learning process. So is frustration. Embrace it.
Don’t pause students for more than a few seconds during play. Even individual coaching should be quick — keep them moving.

Quickly and effectively communicate how to play the game, give them a concept or two that can help, occasionally show a movement option, and get them playing as fast as possible.

ACCEPT THAT STUDENTS WILL BE BAD AT GRAPPLING

It is hard to watch them be bad at a game. This is doubly true when you had high hopes for covering something interesting but realize it’s way beyond their current level.

You don’t have to — and shouldn’t — try to correct everything you see. Focus on what you can change and accept what you can’t.

It is okay. Most of them will get good over time. Their current performance is not a reflection of your ability as a coach.

Don’t be frustrated with them for being bad. Under no circumstances should you ever be rude or condescending about their lack of skill.

You sucked at jiu jitsu too, once. The reason we got good is because we love the game. Convey your excitement and love to them — not judgment because they’re not as good as you are now.

I have seen coaches belittle students and publicly shame them for their inability to move well or comprehend something. This is completely unacceptable and will not be tolerated at our gym. It’s fine to talk with other coaches about a student struggling. It’s never okay to put a student down in class.

Many students struggle athletically. Many have never played a sport. Some have lost coordination from health issues.

Have empathy for them. We will all grow old and lose our grace and movement.

MAKING MISTAKES & IMPROVING AS A COACH

Mistakes will happen. I’m a much better coach than I used to be, and it took a long time. I still make mistakes every class. One thing I struggle with is wanting to give too much information — being the sage on the stage. My current goal is to get more succinct between games.

After every class, reflect: What went well? What could improve? What should you cut next time? What should you add? What should you change?

Just like training, introspection is invaluable for improvement. We’ve all seen people plateau on the mats because they stopped thinking about their game. The same happens with coaching. If you do the same thing every class with no thought about what could improve, you won’t improve.

I don’t expect you to be a perfect coach. I do expect you to get better over time.

Think about these as you move on to the next module. No need to write anything down.

Think about a time you were learning something new and struggled publicly. How did the people around you respond? How did their response affect whether you kept going or wanted to quit? Now think about how you respond when you see a student struggling in class. Is there a gap between the empathy you wanted and the empathy you give?
Think about classes you've attended as a student. How much time was spent playing vs. listening to instruction? When did you feel like you were learning the most?